I told you guys I wouldn't give this one up. Nothing unsafe for work here.
I counted down the minutes until the clock hit 5 pm. Nothing else mattered to me right now except seeing Dan again. It was foolish and I was being rules by more than just logic and rationality. I was being ruled by hormones, an incessant need to engage in sex so hot the walls would melt around us. To be with someone the way the movies always showed us. Long and sensual, quick and rough, loving, fulfilling, explosive. Something to tell the grandkids about.
Well, maybe not.
Everything I looked at on my desk made me think of something I wanted to do with Dan. Odelia asked me to sharpen a pencil. Putting the cap of a pen in my mouth. Even the act of taking a drink of water and swallowing...all Dan. Fuck the pizza. My one objective for the night was to get him in bed, to show him how one lover treated another. I wanted to make it perfectly clear to him-in whatever way I could-that I could be trusted in every way possible. There was nothing I wouldn't do for him or let him do to me, I vowed.
There was a romantic picture in my head of what the night would encompass. He'd walk through the front door, slightly sweating thanks to the heat. Probably wearing shorts and a t-shirt since he stopped home after work. We'd hug in the doorway; I'd breath him in. We'd crack open a bottle of terribly unfancy wine. Maybe a white, possibly a fruit. Sitting on the coach, eating, sipping, talking, I'd try to keep my hands to myself. After all, I was a gentleman.
During the movie we would put on, I'd slide over to him, putting my arm around his body, pulling my man closer to me. There was a possibility we'd lay down together, him on top of me or the other way around. (The couch wasn't big enough for us to go side by side.) I could feel his head on my chest, the way hair tickled my nose, the beating of his heart if I tried hard enough.
Before long, we'd both become too horny to hold off any longer. A kiss...a KISS...would send electric pulses through our bodies. Two young men, arms around one another, not being able to contain their emotions or their lust for one another. Snaking my hand up his shirt, lower extremities grinding against one another in a fit of passion. His body would be hot and wet from the sweating.
Looking into his eyes, he'd tell me to keep going without uttering a word, a bond of trust in this matter now forming between us...
"Aaron, the phone!" Odelia shouted at me from her office. Her voice shattered my daydream. The phone was indeed ringing, over and over again. My hands fumbled for the receiver, trying to regain some sense of composure. I had been focusing on Dan entirely too much lately. My brain had to re-engage with the rest of the world, especially my job.
"Office of Diversity and University Relations," I managed to get out as I glanced at the clock. 4:45 pm. 15 minutes until my first day was over. 15 minutes until I could start counting down to the time I got to see Dan again...
"It happened again." It was Carter, his voice shaking, fear permeating every last word. As if I had been thrown into the middle of a crisis, I grabbed a pen and paper with one hand, snapped at Odelia with the other and held the phone against my ear with my shoulder. Time to get serious. As much as I didn't care for what he did to Dan, this was a job and he needed help.
"What happened?" I asked the most logical question which came to mind. It could be any number of things. More vandalism. Maybe he has gotten verbally harassed. A problem with Shelia.
"I was in the shower. I was attacked."
The shit had just hit the fan. I scribbled a note on the paper for Odelia. Nothing major, just bare facts as I got them.
"Where are you?"
"In my room. I'm...I'm...uh, bleeding."
Part of me wanted to laugh in his ear, telling him this was karma for all the shit he did to Dan. See what it felt like to be fucked and used and left in a crumpled lump on the floor? How it felt no one cared about you, that you had no self worth? Fuck you, asshole.
"Do you know who did it?" Odelia was grabbing her bag and a few other essentials as I got the information. My phone was in my pocket, messenger bag never unpacked from this morning. I was ready to go the minute I got off the phone.
"No."
"Odelia and I are on our way over. Give me a number I can reach you at."
"Just call the desk. The person out there is a friend." Over the course of our conversation, Carter began to reign in his nerves and emotion. He was almost back to normal.
"Alright. We'll be there in a couple minutes." He hung up his end of the phone. I set the receiver down, looking up at Odelia.
"How do we handle this?" I asked, wanting to learn about procedures.
"Campus DPS is already on the way. They'll call the East Lansing cops. We have to be present, according to the university agreements. Now get your ass up and let's get going." She was nearly out the door by this point, talking to me over her shoulder. When I didn't move, she noticed...and stopped to glare at me.
"Not in 10 minutes, AD. Now!" I grabbed everything I thought I'd need and nearly fell out of my chair. In my heart of hearts, I knew this was going to play havoc with my night of romance and, um...man fun. It's not like I could tell Odelia I didn't want to go. Technically, I was still on the clock. How do I tell Dan I was putting Carter before him? Could I even tell him? How long was this going to take? Was it even necessary for us to go? I followed Odelia, all these questions running through my head. It wasn't right, I know, but I had been so looking forward to tonight. Not only because I was beyond horny, but because I wanted to spend quality time with Dan, especially in light of this afternoon's revelations.
A thought occurred to me as I dropped myself into Odelia's car. What if this was a scheme to keep Dan and I apart. Was Carter capable of something like this? Could he be that vindictive?
"Why don't you call your man and tell him something's come up. This might take a while." She patted my leg, almost reassuring me everything would be okay. Fuck, my heart was racing, my mind spinning, the mouth suddenly parched. I needed that reassurance right now. I needed someone who knew what the hell they were doing, who could show me the right thing to do in a situation like this.
"Yeah...he's going to hate me," I responded, dreading this call more than anything else.
Odelia only laughed as I began to punch numbers into my phone. A laugh. Somehow it didn't quite fit with what was going on.
Just my luck, as soon as the phone rang once, Dan picked it up.
"Hi Prince Charming. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to tonight." God, that voice melted me every time. It was sweet and cheerful, serious, manly and gay all at the same time. There was a sense of humor to it, an underlying knowledge of the hard things in life.
"I have bad news. Something's...come up. And I won't be making it home by 5." I hoped he understood.
"Are you standing me up for another guy?"
"I'd never do that. You know that. Dan, I love you and want to spend time with you tonight..."
"Hey, relax. It was a joke, alright? It's alright some work stuff came up." At that moment all I really wanted to do was sweep him off his feet, snuggle on the couch and...
"Just call me when you do get home and I'll come over. You still have that ice cream, right?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Good. I can think of some stuff to do with it." I knew our minds were in the same place. While I'd never played with ice cream before, it might be fun.
"I can do that...I mean call you. The ice cream too...but we don't have to..." I was flustered, embarrassed even. This never really happened; I couldn't figure out why right now. Not more than four hours ago I was ready to fuck in the bathroom. And talking about sex with ice cream was making me flustered now?
"Aar, I love you. And I'll see you tonight."
"Me too." I smiled in spite of myself.
*****
There was a lone police car in the parking lot of the dorm, along with a dozen other vehicles. The building brought back a flood of memories. This is where I had broken up with my one and only girlfriend. The building I had carried on a long distance affair from. My last home on campus. The first place I lived as a completely out gay man. Where my first DVD player called home. Long days and even longer nights spent with Jackie watching tv and popping Skittles from a warehouse club. The place I had cried over Dan, felt I was cheating on Zack and fought tooth and nail not to leave.
It was a massive flashback, images, words, feelings...all colliding together in my brain. I couldn't sort them out, couldn't put them out of my head. No place had ever had this kind of effect on me. I had put this part of my life behind me, allowed myself to grieve and accept and move on. Why now? Why did I even take this job? Why did I move back to a place where memories waited on every corner? Why the fuck did I even say anything to Dan that night...why did I let it get this far...? I couldn't keep a date with a man for christsakes!
My hands began to shake, my eyes tear behind the sunglasses. The pit in my stomach grew deeper. I was getting myself worked up over every little thing.
I couldn't do this.
I had to. It was my job.
But I couldn't.
I tried to stop my hand from shaking. It wouldn't.
I tried to calm myself down. The only effect was speeding up my heart rate.
Why the fuck did I think I could ever do this. Why did Odelia think I was capable. What did Dan see in me. Why had Jackie stayed with me for all these years.
I felt myself open the door to the car, the summer air hitting my face. Everything was amplified for me, like Clark Kent using his super hearing and X-ray vision. The cars passing by, the kids-god, KIDS!-throwing a frisbee around. The whine of air conditioners in the windows. The bird chirping in the tree next to us.
My feet moved. They moved! The curb. Check. Through the front door. Check. To the reception desk. Check.
Would my mouth perform a miracle and move? Maybe even form words?
"Hi, we're looking for..."
Odelia didn't get to finish her sentence. The guy at the desk-a tall, dark and handsome cutie with a name tag reading "Charlie"-just pointed to his right, our left. He knew who we were, just like Carter said. Odelia turned on her heel as I lifted my glasses to the top of my head. Before I could follow her, Charlie grabbed my arm.
"He doesn't deserve this. Help him. Please." His eyes were red; I hadn't noticed before. What was the connection? How did they know each other? This was getting more and more odd with each passing moment.
Charlie didn't let go, his fingers starting to dig into my arm. He was squeezing tightly. Was this punk trying to take my blood pressure or some bullshit like that?
"We'll see." God, that was the dumbest thing I could have ever said. It made me sound like a complete oaf, someone with an axe to grind against Carter instead of someone who was supposed to help. The rage built up inside Charlie's eyes. Behind the anger, there was a frightened guy who didn't know what to do. I was supposed to reassure him. That was my fucking job!
"I mean, I'll do my best. WE'LL do our best." It was the truth. All either of us could do was our best.
Odelia looked back at me when she realized I wasn't right behind her. She was about to turn up the ramp to a hallway.
"Aaron, come on!" she implored me. I met Charlie's gaze one more time.
"You're...him?" Apparently, I had a reputation.
We stared at each other for a minute, words failing me. I could only nod. He let go instantly and sank back into his chair. My feet guided me to Odelia even if my mind was a million miles away.
- Untitled #15
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jj79- February 9th, 2009
2009-02-09 04:06 pm (UTC)
2009-02-09 04:11 pm (UTC)